The past few days we have been in Utah visiting the Ogden/Salt Lake City area. We just wanted to have a fun and relaxing family vacation and it turned out to be a great time.

The morning we left Matt told Hayden we were going to Utah and Hayden replied "Me-tah!" Matt said "no, Utah!" And Hayden got even more excited and said "yeah, Me-tah!" For the next few hours on the road whenever I asked him where we were going he loudly proclaimed "Me-tah!"

We took lots of pictures so I put them into a slideshow...

Hayden's New Tricycle

Matt bought Hayden a new red tricycle- his first one- from Walmart last week. We are still working with him on how to pedal and steer at the same time, but hopefully he will get it this summer sometime. Either way, he loves it!

Catching Up

Matt has been on leave from work a lot the past couple of weeks and we have been having some fun family time which means lots of blogging to catch up on!

Last Tuesday we drove down to the Snake River Valley to Carmela's Winery and Restaurant for dinner. Its only about thirty minutes from our house and it was so beautiful down there. The food wasn't bad either.

The pictures are in reverse chronological order by accident...

On the way home from the restaurant a storm started blowing in. Since the landscape was so flat for miles we saw it building in the sky from far off and it was breathtaking. One of the things I love about living out west is how "big" the sky is- it just can't be appreciated the same on the east coast.

I couldn't resist snapping some pictures, although, of course they don't do it justice.

And here are some pictures from the grounds of the vineyard. They have a small golf course there as well.

For Real

Last week I did another writing for the MOPS newsletter. In an attempt to be "real" I wrote about something I had been struggling through and learning about in hopes it would encourage some other moms out there. Here it is...

My son was born early. Extremely early. Not pre-term, not by emergency c-section, not with any major health risks, just early. Weighing in at 8 pounds 6 ounces he was healthy and strong and no time in the NICU was required. His parents, on the other hand were a little premature. As it turned out, Hayden Gray Rogers arrived about four years earlier than we were expecting him.

My husband and I were married in the last semester of college and headed off as soon as we graduated for an exciting life with the Air Force. The plan was to enjoy being married and traveling and doing anything we wanted before having children about five years into our marriage. You can imagine our shock when we learned that God’s plan was very different from ours, and we got pregnant not long before our one-year anniversary. The shock however did not completely overshadow the excitement; we always knew that we wanted children and were looking forward to the blessing of being parents. It would be just as we had always pictured, just a few years before we envisioned it, right?

Even still I had a difficult time adjusting to the idea of being a mom. I had looked forward to being a mom for as long as I could remember and knew that I would stay home with my children once they came into my life. But being suddenly thrust into a new phase of life, one I knew I could not turn back from, I was having a difficult time wrapping my mind around it. Was I ready to be a mom? Surely not if getting in shape for spring break and bathing suit season were high on my priority list before getting pregnant. I felt far too immature, selfish and insecure to be approaching motherhood. I could barely handle my own life, how was I to be responsible for someone else’s?

We moved on in preparing to welcome Hayden into the world. His arrival brought so much joy and elation, but also at times the overwhelming feelings of insecurity crept back in. Always determined to be a great mom, I pushed these feelings aside in order to “suck it up” and “do better next time”. These phrases became my mantra. The more I tried to prove myself worthy the more I experienced disappointment and discouragement to find that I was just not as good of a mom as I wanted to be. What’s worse, I wasn’t sure I ever could be. One day when Hayden was about nine months old, he was crawling around after me as I was getting dressed and ready to head out somewhere for the day. I had just tied my running shoes when he reached over and pulled on one of the shoelaces and untied it. As I leaned over to retie it, my mind flashed forward to the day we would be teaching Hayden how to tie his own shoes. It seemed like an eternity away, yet that would be a small fraction of the way through his life. My mind was flooded with how much I would have to teach this child and how never-ending my commitment is to him. In that moment, it felt very daunting and I was sure I did not have what it takes.

Over time those feelings have lessened as Hayden has grown a little older and I am not so exhausted all of the time. Things feel more manageable so I am less easily overwhelmed. However, the insecurities that I have had all along were merely put in a closet rather than actually dealt with.

Until recently, while listening to a pastor talk about God’s grace, he explained how we are only able to do what God has given us the grace to do and that God has graced each one of us very differently. At that moment God made two things very clear to me: 1) I was relying on other people’s standards about being a good mom. I cannot accomplish all of the things that my friends do (even if they are noble things to want to do) and do everything that I want to do. I can only do what God has given me the grace to do. 2) This one was really powerful for me: All of the things that God has called me to do and be as Hayden’s mom He has already given me the grace to do. I was immediately reminded of 2 Corinthians 9:8, a verse I had read in the past but had never applied to this area of my life: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having everything that you need, you will abound in every good work.” How refreshing it was to realize that God has given me everything I need to be a good mom. Being a mom is a wonderful privilege but I will only do the best job I can if I let God change my mind about what it means to be a good mom and rely on everything He has given me to get the job done.

Surely I will never be a perfect mom, and there is certainly no formula to making me a better one overnight. But by relying on God’s grace, the job seems far less daunting and far more doable each and every precious day.

Summer Lovin'

Last weekend we had a tease of summer weather where we were in the 70's and even hit above 80 on Monday. We lived outside for three days! It was fun to break out the shorts and sandals for a little while. I made some frozen juice pops and it was fun to enjoy that treat from my childhood with Hayden for the first time.

Zoo Boise

Weather here has been b.e.a.utiful the past few days so we have been taking advantage of it! Yesterday we went to the zoo and then had a picnic in the park before church.

Hayden's favorite animals are usually the giraffes:

He had fun climbing on all the play equipment. It's a good thing there's no admission charge for him; sometimes I think he likes the fake animals better than the real ones!

New this year: a petting zoo! For $0.25 Hayden had a ball feeding this little goat:

More fake animals: (this is really Hayden's favorite part of a trip to the zoo)

After church Matt stayed in Boise to see a movie with a friend. While Hayden and I were on the way home I heard some singing coming from the back seat. I glanced in my rear-view mirror to see that Hayden had taken off his shoes and socks and was playing "this little piggy" with his own feet. He really just grabs each one and says "piggy piggy piggy wee wee wee." It was so cute and I couldn't resist trying to get it on video. As it turns out, that's not as hard as you would think. I held the camera up over my shoulder and was planning on just hoping to get him in the shot and as I did I noticed I could see the screen on the back of my digital camera in my rear-view mirror. So please don't freak out or report me for being an irresponsible parent and driver, it was really quite easy :) Unfortunately, his enthusiasm died down some when he realized the camera was on him:

I also have to say that when Matt picked Hayden up from his classroom at church the woman taking care of his class said that Hayden walked into the little restroom in the classroom, pulled down his pants, took off his diaper and sat himself on the potty! He has gone several times here at home, I just have not started actively training him yet. I realize he is showing classic signs of "readiness" but I also realize that all the experts say not to try potty training during a period of great change or transition, i.e. a move or a parent deploying for four months! Notwithstanding bad timing, we are giving it a real "go" not long after Matt leaves. Wish us luck!

Wordless Wednesday

Grandpa's Visit!

Matt's dad was here this past weekend and we had a great time. It was his first visit to Idaho and unfortunately it was windy and cloudy and fairly chilly most of the time he was here. But we still squeezed some fun (and a little work!) into the four days he was here.

Matt enjoyed showing off his motorcycle and his dad took it for a ride.

While Bert was here he and Matt spent quite a bit of time putting together a swing set that we recently bought Hayden. This is a project that I was really hoping to have done before Matt leaves for Cuba on May 4 and I am so excited to have it up! It seemed like a big undertaking and they spent just over 7 hours working on it together. It was such a blessing to have Bert's help, I asked Matt how he would have ever done that without his dad's help and he answered "I wouldn't have!" We are all very thankful for his help, especially this little guy:

Here is the handsome trio when it was all finished:

Extra fast in his Lightning McQueen slippers:

Putting on the final touches:

Hayden "helping" Grandpa

Another thing that Matt, Bert and Hayden did was visit the Bruneau Sand Dunes. Would you have guessed that the largest sand dunes in North America are just outside of Mountain Home, Id? Me neither. But they are. They walked through some trails and then hiked up one of the dunes. They opted for a medium one instead of the highest one. Maybe next time, right Bert?

Here they are at the top:

All Aboard

I'm finally getting around to posting the last of the pictures from Nancy's visit. Last Saturday we all took a ride on the Thunder Mountain Line Easter Bunny Rail. Hayden loves trains and had never been on one before. He loved it and it was a very pretty and enjoyable ride for the rest of us as well.

Here we are waiting to be able to board:

Hayden liked this little Easter bunny:
(stay tuned to find out what he thought of the "real" easter bunny)

Getting on the train:

Hayden was very excited, he could hardly contain his excitement!

The face he made when we started moving:

Enthralled:

So not long after we started moving the Easter bunny came by to visit the kids. Hayden did not want anything to do with her...

He kept her eye on her until she was clearly off of our car:

Finally, when she was gone, he was able to get over it and enjoy some pizza:

But then the Easter bunny came back...

When we reached our destination it was time to hop off the train for an easter egg hunt. This turned out to be not so much of a hunt as much as a stampede over a very small area of flat ground sprinkled with eggs, but Hayden enjoyed it. He wasn't at all disappointed that he only came away with four eggs:

Back on the train, enjoying his candy.

THis is the face he made when the train whistle blew: